like your spouse as much as you love him

like your spouse as much as you love him

How To Deal With The Negative Emotions During Adoption

Lieve Boekholt

Because adopting a baby is such a huge decision, you will experience many emotions during the process. Some of them will recur over and over and you may not know how to handle them. Here are three of those emotions and some tips on how you can move through them. 

1. Loneliness. Since most (if not all) of your friends and family will have their families naturally, you may often find yourself feeling lonely. People who have not gone through the process of adoption have a hard time understanding how challenging it is. It is extremely important that you find a support network of others who are in the adoption process. There are groups online or you can talk to your adoption agency about local groups. Having people around you who understand the ups and downs you are going through will make a huge difference. 

2. Depression. The adoption process can take a long, long time. It is a huge waiting game since you don't know when a birth mother will choose you. After you have found an agency, created a profile, and done a home study, there isn't a lot you can do. Most people have multiple "leads" that don't pan out before they find their child. Depression can easily set in. Consider seeking therapy if this is the case for you.

It is also important to learn how to handle emotion. The more you try to suppress your feelings, the larger they will grow. Try:

  • daily journaling
  • meditation
  • yoga
  • saying "I feel" and "because" (giving your emotion the proper name can help a lot) 
  • looking for the thoughts and beliefs behind the emotions (are they correct or incorrect?)

3. Indifference. You may find yourself unable to think or feel anything for awhile. This is perfectly normal, especially if the process takes a long time. Acknowledge your need to have some space from the whole process. Leave your profile where it is and take a break. Don't follow any leads. Don't worry. Enjoy being yourself for awhile. Be careful to not make any decisions while you are feeling this, though, because you may regret them later. If you wanted a baby badly enough to begin the process, you will want one badly enough again later. Rest, but don't lose hope. 

Remember, if you try to suppress the negative emotions, you will also suppress the joy. Picture an old fashioned scale. All the negative emotions are on one side and all the positive are on the other. If you live entirely on either side, the scale won't balance and you will feel tired and depressed. The only way to balance the scale is to experience every emotion. The challenges you are experiencing now will be well worth the joy in the end. Embrace every emotion and you will have a wonderful, fulfilling experience overall. 


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About Me
like your spouse as much as you love him

I knew that I loved my husband, but I was having a very difficult time liking him most days. My husband acted much like an overgrown teenager expecting me to do everything for him. He couldn't be bothered to put his trash in the trash can, or put his dirty laundry in the hamper or even carry his dirty dishes to the sink so that I could wash them. After about 18 years of this behavior, I finally had to find someone to go to for help. We started seeing a counselor to try to find a way for me to like him again. It has helped some. My blog will show you a few ways that counseling can help you like your spouse as much as you love him or her.

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